Test Tube Burger… With Added Velcro


So, the world’s first test-tube burger was dished up to a couple of eager tasters in London today.

A little slice of history has been grown.

But there is something not quite right about the thought of lab grown meat.

After the stem cells were developed over a three month period and made into a broth like thing, they were then combined with elastic collagen and attached to Velcro (Yes, Velcro!), which was used to help the cells to arrange themselves into chunks of muscle.


Then, red beetroot juice and saffron were used to give the burger the convincing beef colouring.

So who knows what colour it actually is…

Of course, there were other stages involved in the creation of this test-tube lump of meat, but tbh this is sounding pretty unappetising.

And costing a huge £250,000, you have really got to ask yourself: Are you really that hungry?

Originally, the plan was to make a sausage but the idea was later changed to grow a burger instead due to ‘popular demand’.

‘Popular demand’. And they let just two people taste it. Hmmm…

The money required to make this unnatural concoction came from a co-founder of Google, Sergey Brin who said the results of this experiment could be ‘transformative of the world’.

And this is the view of many, as people are asking whether this could be the answer to world poverty.

In my opinion, this is not the answer. This is a solution (sort of) but surely if we get to the cause of this world poverty in the first place then test-tube meat won’t need to be invented and dished up to millions of hungry souls.

There is already more than enough food in the world to feed everyone. But it just isn’t happening.

I don’t want to go on about world poverty; I’m just making a point.

Anyway back to the burger… So after the unnatural lump of lab meat was fried in sunflower oil and a knob of butter, only two lucky tasters were allowed to sample it today in London.

And the feedback was interesting.

It was said to be ‘lacking in flavour’ and it ‘wasn’t very juicy’, possibly due to the lack of fat which is present in natural meat.

Lacking in flavour?! That made me laugh! What were people expecting?? A big succulent flavoursome feast?

Come on people… it’s made out of a test tube!

Oh, and the texture was a bit odd too. What a surprise.

But there were some positive comments from the tasters too. Lots about how it could help save the planet, cutting greenhouse gases etc etc.

Which of course is great news!

But a test tube burger. Lab grown meat. It just doesn’t sound great.

Which is technically known as ‘in-vitro meat’.

Say no more.

But then is it that far from McDonalds? I think we’ve all heard the horrific tales of the meat production in that company…

Excuse the pun.

But yes, today is a historic day! We can now grow meat in test tubes.

What an achievement. It really is.

It will certainly have a huge impact on food production in the future.

But I have to say, the vegan option is looking much more appealing.


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